I write about my life as a way to give me a sense of purpose and meaning. But when she found herself in her late 20s with an unfinished masters degree in English, a mountain of student debt, a house-painting job that barely paid the rent and a bipolar disorder, she changed her mind. Helllloooo, Leesy Piecey, helllloooo. To understand sexuality and sex as a normal part of life. I didnt know how many people still worked there. She received the . She understands the outrage of the steelworkers when a shopping mall was built on steel mill soil. Cleveland isnt as famous for steel as Pittsburgh, but the Mistake on the Lake as only its own citizens are allowed to call it was a major supplier to Detroits automotive industry, and steel is at the core of its identity. Even if Eliese were to remember the bottom of the stairs, it would only give rise to a new shame, a new doubt, a new search for yet another ameliorating violence. For example, Eliese knows that white horses must be bred with care. Instinctively, Eliese stood between her niece and the handyman, shielding the young girls body with her own. But obviously a white horse is not a brown horse. You have no clothes. For a moment that was enough. It is easier to let people imagine the worst. So she watched. The leaves of the tree had already browned. The conjugation of the verb vouloir, the purpose of a Golgi body, the middle name of her first boyfriend. My arms wont work. And its been really interesting as I continue my research to make this argument, develop this argument through my research that actually, what seems like it happened a long time ago yes the practices are a little bit different, we dont have homes for unwed mothers, but youre exactly right. You are bad, and I am not. Every day, thousands of Clevelanders drive past the steel mills down on the Cuyahoga, hulking testaments to our citys heart and soul. Did you say no? As Eliese clanked the horses hooves on the sunlit driveway, the handyman stood in front of her. It will stand and suckle and sniff its mothers scent. You had to take your bruises without tears, but you couldnt be too passive.. Eliese wants to tell you a story. When I awake, I am outside. Eliese does not know what happens next. Eliese remembers the men and their violence. Consent is something that we talk about that sounds like its a yes or a no. She stood behind her boyfriends shoulder and watched the drag show. Contact Eliese Colette Goldbach Lori Townsend is the news director and senior host for Alaska Public Media. Sunlight slants across the kitchen tiles. She felt his hot, wet breath on her neck. [Before Rust] I had been writing about my sexual assault and childhood and religion, and the way religion combined with politics, and it seemed important to include, she says. I felt a fierce protectiveness for its people, and there was a part of me that actually preferred the life of a steel worker to that of an academic. Rust is an elegiac look at an overlooked segment of our country: the working women and men who put on their hardhats every day and risk their lives and health doing heavy labor. He stood so close to Eliese that every beat of his hand made contact with her body. That said, Goldbach is a talented writer who weaves together remarkable descriptions and reflections on mental illness, poverty, rape culture and her Catholic childhood, and I look forward to her next book. Eliese is mistaking me for someone else, he said. Why was it so difficult to speak? The day after being raped, Eliese had searched frantically through her drawers. The conversation quickly turned to other topics the weather, the consistency of the mashed potatoes.